you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
