i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
