Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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