pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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