I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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