Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
