Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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