My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's blow job season.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
