how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
