Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
