There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
