OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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