My hand turned me down
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got inside last night via doggy door
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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