Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
