Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
