Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
