you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
