and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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