Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
