just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
