you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize