That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You are the jesus of drinking
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize