How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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