I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
