Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize