...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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