i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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