I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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