Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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