Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
