I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
