im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i barfeds in our rink
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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