and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
