I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
