I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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