i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
