Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize