even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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