You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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