i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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