I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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