I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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