It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize