I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
