why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
