white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
