remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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