I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
