You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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