i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
