he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
