Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
