True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
