i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
