is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
