No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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