Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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