Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Someone shit on the floor
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
