You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
