The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
