I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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