I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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