How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
