Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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