I think i peed on brittanys purse
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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