i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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