So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
