Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize