M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
