can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
