i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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