2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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