he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
