Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize