I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
