Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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