everyone is single if you try hard enough
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
